Sick Freedom, Morbid Happiness
by PinkLightning21
Summary: The Zombie Apocalypse. Every teenage nerd's dream, right? Wrong. In the movie, you followed Columbus on his strange journey to find his family. In this twisted fan fiction, you follow a new character- Austin. She's got only hope to motivate her, and everything to lose. Theoretically speaking, considering her past is definitely not up for discussion. Until she meets Tallahassee.
1. Priority One Survive ::Ch 1::

1 

The light was blinding, and for a moment I actually thought I was dead. I should be so lucky. I blinked hard against the white light, a single vertical line at the end of a very short, square-like tunnel. I was on the floor, it was metal, hard and extremely uncomfortable. Pushing myself to sit, I let out a soft grunt at how stiff my muscles were, suddenly wishing I hadn't slept in the back of a U-Haul truck for the third night in a row. Not like I had a choice, of course.

Slowly, I pushed myself to stand up, but my head knocked against the metal roof of the vehicle. I muttered a curse under my breath and hunched over to move towards the cracked door. I cautiously pushed open the heavy door, letting my dilated eyes adjust to the morning sunlight of the deserted freeway. Not a thing in site. Well, except for the car wreckage and debris sprawling out over the road. Breathing a low sigh, I shoved the creaking door the rest of the way open and jumped down from the truck. Suddenly, I realized that wasn't the best idea, when my knees buckled under my stiff weight and I dropped into a kneeling position.

I tried to force myself to stand again, but a shocking wave of dizziness swept through me and at first I thought I might vomit, until I lost consciousness. Great.

The sky was wavering in my vision, the clouds seemed as though they were a whirlpool of fluff in the ocean of blue. I shut my eyes hard, attempting to banish the severe headache this feeling was giving me. I shoved myself over onto my hands and knees and started to dry heave until I was able to puke something up.

I rolled onto my back again, wiping my mouth on the sleeve of my jacket. _Lovely way to start the day.,_ I thought sarcastically. After laying there a moment, letting myself regain some manner of composure, I sat up again, this time careful not to throw myself into another episode. I needed to get moving, this lack of nutrition was going to kill me.

With extraneous effort, I managed to stand and stagger towards the truck again. I leaned inside and groped blindly for my backpack in the dark vehicle. My ears perked a bit- a bit of a strange habit I got from my grandfather -at the sound of shuffling behind me. I didn't dare turn around, holding my breath as I frantically tried to reach my pack.

The shuffling stopped and I froze, feeling the reassuring strap of my pack in my hand. I heard the gurgling sound of it breathing, obviously unsure of what I was- object or person. As silently and with as little movement as I could, I dragged the bag towards me. When I had it close enough, I reached inside the open zipper and felt around until I let my hand close around the cold grip of my Desert Eagle. Swallowing hard, I quietly dared to turn my head a fraction, but that was the mistake.

A loud, gurgling snarl came from the thing behind me and it's feet kicked into moving at top speed towards me. I had no time to think, I cocked the handgun and spun around and fired three shots straight at the inhuman face barreling at me. It stumbled and dropped in mid-descent of the grassy hill towards the ditch my truck was in. It's body fell the rest of the way down the hill and landed face-first into the bottom of the ditch, the rest of it's body weight on top. This caused it's neck to snap and it went down in a lump on the ground.

I let out a heavy breath, having not known I even held it. Lowering the gun, I slumped against the truck and stared at the lifeless body not twenty feet from me. I waited a moment for my heart to stop racing, grabbed my bag and stuffed the gun in my belt with the safety on. Pulling the backpack over my shoulders, I strode towards the body and kicked it over so it was face-up and I stared at it's mutated, disgusting features. What is it, you ask? That, my friend, was a zombie. And this, is Zombie Land.

The Zombie Apocalypse. It's every teenage nerd's dream, the thought of life suddenly stopping and giving you the opportunity to shoot the absolute fuck out of a horde of gross, moving, undead targets. Specifically people you've hated for so long, like that asshole who bullies you every day of your sad, pubescent life. Or the ugly bitch who made it her life goal to make you run to the girls' bathroom and cry all through first period, every single day. Maybe even the math teacher, who you swear is out to flunk you and make you look like an idiot in class. A chaotic pandemic that allows you to bash blunt objects over their head repeatedly seems like the perfect escape, right?

Wrong. It's the outbreak that will rip apart your life in a matter of hours. Now, my story may not be the same as everyone else, maybe even a little cliche`. I'm not about to go into this heartfelt spiel about how depressed I am that I had to kill my parents before they killed me, even though I did. I didn't cry though, you're not supposed to.

In Zombie Land, there's rules to keep you alive. I don't know who made them, why they were made in the first place, or how they managed to figure out how helpful it would be; there's just rules. Rule number **5: No Attachments**. It's the apocalypse, the only thing that attachments are going to get you is a lot of unnecessary feelings, a lot of those feelings you know as pain, depression, sadness and heartbreak.

The goal is to keep moving at all times, don't stop, don't backtrack for anything and never leave ties behind. This, I've managed to do for this long. I started in Austin, Texas. I've made it, in a north-bound direction, to Hillsboro, my goal is to make it to Fort Worth before winter. It's September 2nd, today, my birthday. I'm turning eighteen, and what a shame, no party. So this is where you come in, welcome to Zombie Land, enjoy your stay.

Kicking a can along the pavement, I continued to walk past the sign cheerily stating "**Welcome To Hilsboro!**" I snorted a laugh as I stared ahead at the desolate city, practically in ruin by now. As if to prove my point, a tumbleweed bounced across my path and I stopped to watch it with a growing sense of awareness. This was a city, once highly populated by ordinary people, a wondrous breeding ground for the Zombie virus. I had to be careful, busting into town carelessly was stupid and would get me killed.

Taking precautions, I knelt down to retie my shoes nice and firm. Rule **28: Double-Knot Your Shoes**. You don't need to be in the middle of running for your life when your shoes come undone and trip you, letting you fall to your literal doom. Adjusting my bag and making sure I was well prepared, I continued into the city limits with my every nerve on high. The slightest movement was a reason to jump, the smallest noise a reason to ready your weapon.

I moved through the main street of the town quickly, but the natural feeling was catching up to me. My stomach growled and I sighed, knowing that if I didn't eat something soon, I would just be zombie bait. My eyes skimmed the buildings around me, knowing there had to be a restaurant somewhere, or at least a convenience store. Bingo. The corner gas station straight ahead was perfect picking, and I jogged towards it with high hopes.

The jingle of the door's bell made me freeze in mid-step, my hand quickly grasping for the Desert Eagle on my hip. I slid behind the storefront counter and held the gun with both hands, sweat beading my forehead as I waited for a noise in any direction. How stupid could I be? Of course the door had a bell on it, all market stores did. I was getting careless. I heard feet scuffle across the store and I peered my head over the counter slowly, my eyes searching frantically around the building, marking the emergency exit at the very back, the door to my left that I had come through, and the large storefront window at my back. Number **22: When In Doubt, Know Your Way Out.**

A small movement at the end of the isle directly ahead of me caught my attention, and I lifted the gun. I sent up a silent prayer, not that I believed in a god anymore, and took aim down the isle to where the disturbance had been. It wasn't a zombie, they wouldn't hide. If anything, the bell would have alerted them to come at me with malicious intent and all sense of awareness out the window. No, this wasn't one of them, this was human behavior. Still, I had reason to be careful. People weren't exactly neighborly during these times.

"Come out where I can see you." I called, my finger ready at the trigger, should the person charge or react in a way I didn't like. "I should say the same to you." It was a man, his voice holding a hint of... humor? How could he be funny at a time like this? I swallowed hard against my dry throat, trying not to wince. "I already know where you are, so just show yourself." I reasoned, and I heard him chuckle. It was a low sound, very lighthearted. Somehow, I relaxed my shoulders a bit, but did not let up my guard.

The figure stepped out from behind the shelf, his hands up with palms facing out in an innocent manner. He was tall, well-built and clad in a leather jacket, dirty denim jeans, a wine-colored V-Neck shirt and a tan hat that reminded me a little bit of a renegade cowboy. His eyes were hidden by sunglasses, but his expression wasn't hard to read due to his flashing smile. He seemed simple enough, but I still didn't trust him.

"Come on, now, sweetheart. Put that thing down, it's too big a gun for a little girl." He spoke, making my eyebrow raise doubtfully. This made him laugh softly, his hands still up in the air as he strode towards me. I cocked the gun and he stopped, obviously sensing my heightened nerves. "I'm in no mood for jokes, Mister." I spat, slowly standing to my full height- which wasn't much. I barely topped 5' 5", making it hard for me to be an intimidating presence. Or any sort of threat, for that matter.

He stared at me for a quiet moment, then pulled off his shades to reveal gray-blue eyes that stood out immensely against his tanned, dusty skin. "I don't mean you any harm, just put down the gun and we can talk like civilized people." He offered. I was silent for a minute, considering his words before lowering the gun to my side, but keeping it at the ready. His shoulders relaxed a bit and he gave me a once-over, then nodded as if he approved of what I was wearing or something. "Please, put the gun away." This time, his tone was gentle and coaxing, almost pleading with me. I sighed inwardly, knowing this was a bad idea, and holstered the gun.

He lowered his hands to his sides and we stood there for a moment, staring at each other, sizing up the other. He was about to speak but I cut him off first.

"Where are you from?" I asked. See, another part that goes along with the **No Attachments** rule was names. In order not to get involved with someone, you never asked for their name, just where they came from. You go by the name of the city, it keeps things simple and distanced.

"Tallahassee, you?" He replied, hooking his thumbs in on his belt. The fancy buckle caught my attention for a moment, but I decided it was better not to mention it. "Austin." I answered, crossing my arms over my chest. Body language was everything, and keeping myself closed off meant staying safe. Safety was the most important, after all. Again, we were thrown into an uncomfortable silence. This man screamed reckless and unpredictable, but it was comforting to talk to another human being for once. Made everything seem like it wasn't so hopeless, even though, deep down... I knew it was.


	2. Enjoy The Little Things ::Ch 2::

2 

Shoving a piece of metal aside, I saw the storage cooler and broke into a victorious grin. I turned to see Tallahassee with his back to me. "Hey, I found a cooler." He called, he turned and looked past me to the red and white box. Shrugging, he straightened and strode over, his boots clacking on the concrete floor of the storage room. We'd found the prize in the very back of the store, everything back here was still in tact. Though a lot of the food was past it's expiration date, some of it remained good and untouched.

He unlatched the cooler and pulled the lid aside to get a look at the contents. Gatorade, water, and a six pack of Mountain Dew. Jackpot. Tallahassee and I shared a grin before he latched the lid back on it and hefted it up into his arms. "Get the door, we'll load this and the rest of the stuff into my Escalade." He ordered, and I stopped in my tracks. "An Escalade? As in Cadillac?" I blurted, he turned and gave me a mischievous smirk. Excitedly, I grabbed the two boxes left and jogged after him, shoving my back against the door to open it.

Suddenly, a loud, screeching siren blared in my ears and I practically dropped the boxes in my arms. Tallahassee rolled his eyes heavily and shoved me out of the door, kicking it shut behind him. "Emergency Exit alarm, darlin'. Get to the car!" He shouted over the loud, alerting noise. I nodded and bolted for the large black SUV parked inconspicuously near the back wall of the building. I opened the door and threw the boxes into the back before sliding my bag off my back. As fast as I could move, I pulled out the gun from my belt and whirled around to fire two quick shots at a slobbering, angry zombie heading right at Tallahassee. He pushed the cooler into the back and closed the door with a heavy grunt. "Get in the front." He growled, pulling what looked to be some sort of sawed off 30/30, but I could be wrong, and fired generously at a horde of about five sprinting at us.

I dragged myself up into the huge vehicle and slammed my door shut, Tallahassee followed suit and locked everything. We peeled out of the lot as fast as we could, my nails digging into the dashboard and my eyes trained on the sight in the rear-view mirror to my right. Two of them had dropped back, wounded by Tallahassee's shots, but three were still on us with obvious intent.

They gave up after about two-thirds of a mile at 60 miles per hour. I leaned back slowly into the leather seat, heaving a shaky sigh and letting my head fall back against the head rest. We hadn't said a word since we got out of there, and I wasn't sure Tallahassee was the kind of man who enjoyed casual conversation. So I left it at that, and sat in silence.

I hadn't intended to actually join this man, but circumstances led us to stick together- for now, at least. Well, that followed rule number **8: Get A Kick Ass Partner**. Tallahassee definitely fit the description of "kick ass," and frankly I just enjoyed his company.I actually think I fell asleep at one point, my head off to the side against the window as the soft hum of the Cadillac lulled me into sweet, sweet sleep.

I could feel a large hand on my shoulder, shaking me awake. I grumbled rudely and reached up the rub my eyes before blinking them open. "Mornin, here." Tallahassee shoved some form of cream-filled, chocolate-covered dough at me. I didn't question it, I took it and shoved part of it into my mouth with a happy sigh at the taste. Food, what a novel concept. "Fankchu." I sputtered through a mouthful, earning a chuckle from the man at my left.

Looking ahead, I realized we were still moving down the freeway, but at a more reasonable speed now. I must have been asleep for a long time, because it was pitch black night out. Finishing the doughnut-like delicacy, I reached back to find a Gatorade. Tallahassee beat me to it and handed me a red one, making me smile. "Thanks." I murmured, suddenly realizing how awkward this whole thing was. Then again, beggars can't be choosers. I switched the position of my feet and kicked something under my seat, making me pause to bend over and grab it. I held up the CD case and raised my eyebrows, glancing at Tallahassee.

He looked back at me and shrugged, turning his eyes back to the road. I flipped through the CDs and my face broke into a grin as I pulled out Jack Johnson and slid it into the player. His smooth voice came from the speakers quietly, I closed my eyes and tapped my fingers against the dash as I hummed along with "Better Together". Tallahassee shot me a questioning look, making me erupt into soft laughter. I looked back at him and shrugged casually. "Enjoy the little things." I responded, then turned back to stare out my side window at the darkness that stretched on endlessly. After staring at me a moment longer, Tallahassee shook his head and smiled just the slightest bit while turning back to the road. "**Enjoy the little things**..." He repeated quietly, slowly starting to nod his head with the rhythm of the music.


	3. I Hate Columbus, Ohio ::Ch 3::

3 

I woke the next morning in the very back seat, laying sprawled out across it with my arm draped over my eyes to shield my vision from any light. I sat up slowly, realizing how much more comfortable a Cadillac was than the back of a U-Haul. After shaking away a yawn, I looked out the front windshield, noticing that we were parked off the main freeway behind a crashed semi. I glanced into the driver's seat, noted that Tallahassee wasn't there, and sat back with my forearms resting on my knees. I had a feeling he didn't just up and abandon me, he wouldn't just leave the car.

A slight rustling on the floor of the middle section caught my attention, and I realized that the heap of clothes on the floor was alive. Tallahassee sat up and blinked for a moment, taking in his surroundings just as I had done. "Morning, sleepin' beauty." I teased, making him look at me as I offered a small smirk. "Good to know you didn't slit my throat in my sleep." He quipped, obviously not a morning person.

I looked at him then, really looked at him. Without his hat, his head was balding, and he'd likely just shaved whatever else was left. His face held a set of wrinkles, but nothing too harsh, mostly laugh lines around his eyes and mouth. Slight blonde facial hair framed his mouth, forming a small goatee-like shape, but it wasn't noticeable from a distance. This new perspective of Tallahassee made me realize that he was older than I had first thought, much older. He caught me staring at him and raised an eyebrow. I felt my cheeks warm at the idea of feeling like a very horrible spy and shook my bangs from my face.

We spent the morning on the road, mostly in silence with the exception various music playing through the stereo. The Texas sun was hot, especially on a big black tank like the one Tallahassee had chosen to make his journey in. Thankfully, the AC was still in working condition and made the ride much more enjoyable.

The occasional zombie sighting was something else, though. Tallahassee apparently hated them, and I mean he _hated_ them. A large barrier had been added to the front of the Escalade, and he took actual pleasure to go out of his way and ram it into the zombie. It felt like a weird question, so I didn't ask about why he had such strong feeling towards the undead. I mean, they were zombies. Everyone was afraid of them, disgusted by them and wouldn't hesitate to kill one. But something about the way Tallahassee reacted to them made me a little uncomfortable...

"Why do you paint the number 3 on the doors?" I blurted, looking at him inquisitively. He glanced at me and then back at the road. "Earnhardt." My face twisted into confusion, making him look at me. "Dale Earnhardt? The NASCAR driver?" He continued, raising his eyebrows at me. It took me a moment, but I got it and nodded in understanding. "Ooh... That's a good reason... I think. He's a good idol to have." He looked back at the road as we sat in silence again. "Why Austin?" He asked. I blinked and looked at him again. "If you're going to Austin, why were you headin' north?" He elaborated as I leaned back in the seat and stared forward at the road. "I'm not going to Austin, I'm running away from it." I responded. Before he could ask, I added "I've got no real direction. I just went north to get away."

He reached over and pointed at the glove box. I opened it and a bottle of whiskey fell into my lap. I raised an eyebrow and looked at him as I handed it over. He took a swig after opening it and I took out the shot glasses from the glove box. "Cheers." He poured the alcohol in the two glasses and set the bottle in the cup holder, then took his glass. I smelled the contents of the glass and my nose wrinkled in response, making him chuckle. "Cheers to what?" I asked, and he shrugged. "Staying alive." He took his shot and I stared at mine for a minute, not ever having actually had any alcohol in my life. I know, lame.

I glanced at Tallahassee and he raised his brows, so I took the shot. Immediately I choked a bit and started into a coughing fit at how strong the liquid was. Tallahassee erupted into roaring laughter at this while I grasped for a bottle of water to wash it down before the unforgivable acid destroyed my pharynx. "More for me." He chuckled, relaxing into the seat as he drove.

It was late in the afternoon of the next week, we'd spent quite some time getting to know each other. Tallahassee was the type of guy who liked to fit the description of the word _Dangerous_. Oddly, I didn't object to this. Even when he barreled down highways that were covered with abandoned cars at 80mph, literally bulldozing our way through with the Escalade's modded barrier. In fact, this was probably the most fun week and a half I'd ever had in my life. Who'd have though it'd be during the Zombie Apocalypse? It's almost ironic.

We came around a turn in the freeway, finding ourselves coming straight for a complete wreckage scene ahead. I gripped the dash and tightened my seat belt as Tallahassee pushed the gas, ramming through another car and swerving over the ditch, then pulling back onto the road. It was then that I saw him, the boy running to safety behind a car on the side of the road ahead of us.

"Hey, stop, there's a kid there." I pointed in the direction of the boy and Tallahassee noticed him, slammed on the brakes to pull up a little ways ahead of where the boy had hid himself. Looking in the rear-view mirror, I saw the kid carried a shotgun, and was now picking up a wrecked motorcycle to shield himself, and aimed at the driver's side of the Escalade. I looked at Tallahassee for a moment, he shrugged and opened the door to jump out. I crawled over as he stepped out, and I crouched in the driver's side seat to try and see past Tallahassee. The kid looked timid, awkward and stringy. I almost snorted a laugh at how strange and out of place he seemed.

He aimed the gun at Tallahassee as the tall man took off his sunglasses to stare at the boy. We were all silent for that moment, and Tallahassee pulled out his sawed off 30/30 and aimed at the boy. We sat like this for a moment, at a complete stand still, guns aimed and sweat beading my forehead.

Suddenly, the boy shot out his right arm with his thumb up, the sign of a hitch hiker. I raised my eyebrows as Tallahassee glanced my way. I shrugged. Tallahassee looked at the boy again, then nodded towards the SUV, extending the invitation for him to stick with us. _Great._

"Thank you." The boy stammered, then grabbed his suitcase and rolled it behind him as he practically power walked to my side of the vehicle. When he opened the door and saw me, I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest. He blinked and stared at me for a minute. "Ah-Uh.." "I get shotgun. You, get back seat." I barked, turning my eyes back to Tallahassee as he entered the driver's side. He sighed and leaned back against the seat, looking at me. I groaned and undid my seat belt before climbing into the back. The boy pulled himself into the escalade after shoving his suitcase into the back with me. He stared back at me, then looked around as though he were searching for something. "What're you lookin' for?" Tallahassee inquired, staring at the strange boy. "Nothing, uh, I have this list..." He trailed off, looking at Tallahassee. "No one back there but her and my dufflebag." He assured him, a slight annoyance in his tone. I smiled. _This kid won't last long, not with Tallahassee._

The boy nodded slightly, turning back around in his seat to face forward. "So uh, what's your name?" Tallahassee cut him off. "Stop." He held up his hand and stared at the kid. "No names. Keeps us from getting' too familiar." He turned from the boy and pulled his survival knife from the little storage area between the seats. "You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife." The boy pipped, adjusting the almost-empty bottle of whiskey. Tallahassee grabbed the bottle up and started to untwist the cap. "N-No it's okay you don't have t-" The boy started. I could already tell this guy was going to be a pain in my ass.

"So, where're you headed?" I piped from the back seat, making the kid looked back at me. Now I could see that he was older than me, maybe, not more than 23, 24 years old, though. "Columbus.. You?" He responded, turning his attention to Tallahassee. "Tallahassee." He answered, handing Columbus a shot glass of whiskey. My eyebrow lifted as he did this, watching Columbus for the time being. They toasted and Tallahassee drank from the bottle, but Columbus threw the drunk out the window at his right, making me snort and bury my laughter in my hand, averting my eyes as he pretended to look like he'd drank it. Tallahassee looked at him again, offering up another of the drink. "No, no.. One for me. One and done, I always say. I said that once." Columbus continued to ramble like this as I watched, actually intrigued by how absolutely awkward this boy was. _Could he be acting? Or is this seriously his personality?_ I smirked at the thought, leaning back in my seat.

"Yanno, uh... Tallahassee and Columbus are both, uh.. East." Columbus looked back at Tallahassee with a glimmer of hope in his shy blue eyes, this turned my attention, also, to Tallahassee. He glanced at me, then back at the boy. "So?" "So.. Tallahassee..." Columbus looked back at me then, as well, "Austin.. You wanna, uh, stick together? At-At least for a while?" He stammered, Tallahassee looked down, away from the boy, taking a breath before looking back at him.

"Here's the deal, Columbus. Uh... I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch. So ah... Sure. I give this relationship to about Texarkana."

"Really? Yeah! So you'll take me as far as Texarkana?" Columbus sputtered as he excitedly pulled on his seat belt. Tallahassee watched him for a minute, doubt already showing on his face. "You're a happy little spit-fuck aren't ya?" This made me snort the laughter I'd been holding back for about ten minutes now. Tallahassee looked at me and I gave him an assuring smile. "Not exactly what I had in mind. I was thinking he reminded me more of a puppy with a bladder disorder, but yours was funny, too." I admitted, now it was Tallahassee's turn to laugh, turning the ignition and starting the vehicle. Even Columbus blew out a nervous laugh as we rolled into movement.

"Might wanna buckle up. Yanno uh, for safety.." Columbus stammered to Tallahassee as Metallica blared through the speakers of the sound system. "I can tell already, you are gonna get on my nerves." Tallahassee declared, driving over the ditch to a clear stretch of road. So that was that. We had just picked up a twitchy, stringy-haired college boy off the side of the road, and I was stuck in the back seat. I already hated him.


End file.
